Sunday, March 6, 2011

Classified Information


I have always felt that the classified section of the newspaper was the most private way to publicly advertise something. There are no photos, no trail, and as much or as little information you would like to advertise. I understand that this part of the newspaper is used for lost puppies and for people trying to sell their old desk, but of course I am looking at it a bit deeper.

The word itself, “Classified”, generally means private, closely concealed, or not for the public to see. That’s interesting to me because we reserve this part of the newspaper to advertise things such as AA meetings, Escort services, Penis enlargement ads, fantasy fulfillment services, help groups, and other things that society likes to hide under the carpet.

I had a thought when I saw an AD in the classifieds about a lost wedding ring…

A cheater, known as the “guy in a great marriage”, has been unfaithful to his wife for over a year now. He has been seeing another woman on weekends and business trips.

His wife, unknowing and unsuspecting, loves her husband dearly. In her eyes they have the perfect marriage. The mistress finds out that the man is married and rebels. She swipes his wedding ring for revenge.

Loving wife is devastated for her husband when he tells her that he has lost his wedding ring. Loving and caring wife puts an AD in the classifieds that reads “LOST WEDDING RING $500 REWARD”.

Cheating man is mortified that his most private and intimate secret is splashed all over the newspaper for all to see. Thousands will see the lost wedding ring ad and disregard. To him it feels like his worst nightmare exposed for all to see.

A few days later the wife follows up in the classified section and is excited and is shocked by the response she sees. “FOUND WEDDING RING.... REWARD: KNOWING YOUR HUSBAND IS A CHEATING BASTARD”.

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